Surrendering, Again

As mentioned earlier, I’m in a bit of a funny place when it comes to home. I have a house with a fenced yard for the pups. It’s a good house. It’s paid for, and it’s appreciated in the time I’ve owned it.

I purged, and purged, and listed it in the middle of May when the inventory was low. I received an offer the next day. It was a contingent offer based on my buyers selling their home. Because of a glitch in my listing agent’s software, my house is showing up as pending, not contingent, thus making it impossible to advertise open houses, etc.

We’re six weeks in, and the buyer’s house hasn’t sold which puts me in that funny place when it comes to home. The what-ifs are working overtime.

With the Fourth of July coming, people are coming into town, and we will hold an open house the old-school way, with signs pointing the way and balloons, and hopefully delicious snacks. The buyers are also having an open house, and if they don’t get any offers, they will withdraw their offer on my house, and my house will go back to active status and appear as a new listing. Unfortunately for me, the housing inventory has improved substantially according to the number of red dots on the real estate sites.

Now, enter the surrender part that always leads to the trust part. Whilst I believed I was surrendering to God’s will, was I actually? The original thought was to close my shop and stop the bleeding of money, sell my house, pay off some debt, and live off the proceeds from my house for up to four years. My original plan was to write, not only this blog but the meditation that came to me more than a decade ago. That meditation has brought me closer to God, and it’s something I feel needs to be shared with others so they too, can feel closer to God and be more open to His/Her plan.

Putting our faith in God’s plan can be scary, even though we/I know the outcome is better than we/I can ever imagine. Taking that leap of faith requires surrender. It requires full commitment to letting go. Not half-assed (apologies), but full holy-cow, this is happening commitment.

I have a feeling you’re getting the picture of my true dilemma. With the original thought of selling the house, I was creating a safety net, a parachute for that leap of faith. Surrender in its most childlike view, like I’ll give up chocolate for Lent this year. We/I can read all the books/blogs, take all the classes/workshops, attend all the meetings, buy all the gear, and learn all about surrendering and taking the leap of faith, and yet never leap. What I’ve done is dipped my toe into the pool of faith. Leaping requires surrender, full-on, holy-cow, letting go of EVERYTHING!

I’ve let God and God’s universe know what my true dreams are, writing the meditation and having that be hugely successful, and having a retreat center for women with any type of cancer and their caregivers, and anyone who simply needs to get away, be part of a community, and be cared for. Maybe the only way to get to the dream, let’s call it point D, is to surrender it all and let God do His thing, which may include jumping to point S, circling back to point C, and perhaps even a brief stop at point B, doing a nosedive into Point H, reemerging at Point P, and ultimately jumping off the cliff, I mean, leaping into faith at Point PM (Present Moment).

Of course, there are no coincidences. The daily affirmation for today reads: “Every unexpected turn in my life is nothing but a blessing. I no longer force or try to control everything. I surrender and move with grace in the alignment with the calling of my spirit.” – Lucas Notes